communicating effectively with a teenager

When communicating with others we need to make sure that we are using “I” Messages. An “I” Message is when you state things in terms of how YOU think/feel about a situation and not what someone else is thinking. For example if someone has just made a huge mess in the kitchen you may be tempted to say, “You’re so messy! You need to clean this mess up right now. You don’t care about others, do you?!” there’s a lot of “you’s” in that sentence. Instead you could say something like, “I have a problem with this mess. I have a problem because it makes it hard for me to get things done in here. I would like it if you could please clean it up right now.” This way you are owning that problem. You have a problem with the mess and want it gone and so you are expressing your grievances about the mess instead of about the person who made the mess.

Effective communication with teen also includes these 5 basic steps:

1-      Listen actively (don’t let it affect you personally but try to listen to what they are saying so you can figure out their problem).

2-      Respond to feelings- verbal and non-verbal ques.

3-      Look for alternatives/ evaluate consequences (make sure if there is a consequence for your child’s actions it is a logical one and fits the action to which they are being punished for).

4-      Offer encouragement (expressing confidence in a teen empowers them with the power to make the right choices).

5-      Follow up later – this shows your teen you care enough to remember things going on in their life and you really want to help them overcome their struggle.